A note on spoilers: This does not include any specific references to unlocked rules, does not include any of the game’s hidden text, or identify the unlocked material. Nonetheless, hints, including strong ones, are prevalent.
I recall a striking statement during a conversation with the Saharan Republic Director of Black Ops. She told me that “History is written by the victors”. That seems to be the position I find myself in as I write this account. The Saharan Republic ruling body of the Chamber of Representatives has commissioned me to record of the history of Pants Optional. I contend that the history of Pants Optional, is in fact the history of the Saharan Republic. I am Chief Historian and Scholar of the Saharan Republic. And this is the story of my world, my nation, and my land.
Our earth is a world marked and scarred by war. Historians broadly agree that the history of Pants Optional can be divided into 17 distinct epochs, one for each of the 17 world wars our earth has weathered thus far. Gathering information for this project has been a historian’s dream. Going back to even the first epoch, written recordings of the major events is surprisingly well documented. Each of the Great Powers has also kept their own records of their doings, and I was able to obtain many of those. These documents are first hand accounts written immediately at the time of the event. The resulting reliability is remarkably reassuring. It is interesting that as our world has advanced and developed, our collective documentation of events has suddenly decreased. The events of the last two epochs had to be put together through collection of oral tradition and recollection. Fortunately, these are in recent memory.
Our homeland of “South America” is a fascinating story. Much like the naming of Iceland and Greenland, “South America” was named with the intention of confusion. “South America” actually includes the territories of Indonesia, Eastern Australia, Western Australia, and New Guinea. Sources point to this continent being named “South America” after the Second Epoch.
One of the first cities ever to be established in the world was founded in “South America”. The name of the city was initially proposed to be “Madness”, but that person was kicked down a bottomless pit and it instead became known as Sparta. As a result, whenever the name of New Guinea’s city is in doubt, it is local custom to loudly declare “THIS IS SPARTA!”
![]()
It wasn’t until the Sixth Epoch that “South America” saw its first major city. It was in Eastern Australia that the city of No Pants grew into a thriving metropolis. Its sister city in Western Australia of Wet Pants arose after the world wars in the Twelfth Epoch.
Our homeland’s history isn’t entirely a story of growth and advancement. In the Fifth Epoch, a health devastation broke out in Indonesia. A military group in Indonesia is more likely to die from the outbreak than to war. To this very day we continually face a loss of life there. At this point experts believe that the damage to the territory is now irreversible.
Western Australia was once known for its availability of soldiers for hire. These easily purchased and expendable troops helped mitigate those dying in the hazardous conditions in Indonesia. For a few Epochs, the Chamber of Representatives chose to use the mercenaries recruited in Western Australia to replace those who died in the hazardous health conditions in Indonesia. The gains netted out the losses, allowing the Republic to advance freedom to the rest of the world.
The end of the Ninth Epoch was not a proud time for the Saharans. The regular flow of soldiers we could regularly count on to hire was obliterated by a covert strike. This meant the biological disease rampant in Indonesia would forever drain our ability to defend “South America”.
![]()
It has now become well known that we are the ones responsible for the extra terrestrial encounter. We alone of the Great Powers pursued a space program. Our intention was to make contact with one of the other earth clones that were spawned. We instead encountered in the cosmos a new species. They were highly intelligent, but regrettably, also highly militaristic. At first we thought we could form an alliance to bring an end to the world wars through a decisive, ultimate, and insurmountable military end to the conflict. Only through massive strength could we bring peace to the world of Pants Optional. It took many years of a massive military build up in collaboration with the extra terrestrials. In the Fourteenth Epoch our plans were put in place.
That world war was decisively won by the Saharan Republic as we hoped. Despite the resounding show of military force, the wars still come. They always do. There were negative ramifications we could not foresee. As a Republic, we derive our legitimacy from the consent of the people. City population used to be a valuable asset to our cause. After exposing Pants Optional to a foreign race of life, local populations distrusted us greatly. Local resistance in cities turned out to be far greater than anticipated. The very beings we once allied with even betrayed our cherished city of Sparta, and it now stands in ruins.
The world capital of Baconia was founded by the Imperial Balkania in the 15th Epoch. They intended it to be seat of power for their tyrant of an Emperor to hold his throne. However, as the result of our successes in the World Wars throughout the Epochs, the Saharan Republic is widely regarding as being the Greatest of the Great Powers. It is us who now control the world capital. Instead of an Emperor, it is the meeting place of the Chamber of Representatives. With this great political power, representing the will of the people, the political priorities of the world is decided.
Amidst all this talk of enormous world events, I don’t want to lose sight of what makes the Saharan Republic special. Over the course of the epochs we would often situate ourselves in “South America”. The inaccessibility of “South America” is a gift, but it can also be a curse. It is easy to defend, but that same bottleneck can leave you isolated and unable to react. All of the other great powers suffered from logistical constraints of moving their troops, and had to end their attacks in order to transport armies. We, on the other hand, had an entire fleet of our best dune buggies at our disposal, allowing us to bring in reinforcements during the heat of a war campaign. Many a world war was won by having the unique ability to take our legions remotely deployed to defend “South America”, and in the midst of a conflict, bring them immediately into the course of an attack.
Our form of government is also a significant factor. Since we are governed by the best women in our society selected from among the people, population centers in cities are much more inclined to accept our authority than say, an industrial military society that finds life cheap and expendable. While most other Great Powers had to exercise use of military force to extract resources from a territory, we were able to freely obtain resources from population centers because of the good will of the people when we introduced them to the Republic.
It may be surprising to contemporary readers, but at one point the Enclave of the Bear was a highly regarded and respected Great Power. While that faction may no longer be viewed as significant, their influence in world events, and in the history of the Saharan Republic, is worthy of note. It was the Enclave of the Bear that caused the unrecognizable horrendous morphing resulting from their nuclear recklessness. It was they who scorched Alaska forever. By doing so, our homeland of “South America” faced a threat from one less direction. Also, by standing on the shoulders of the Enclave’s advancements in missile technology, we were able to develop long range missiles that were capable of disrupting the resource gathering infrastructure of our enemies.
Historians now ask if this is the end of history. Have we reached the end of our sociocultural evolution? The conclusion of my scholarly studies points to yes. With the founding of the world capital Baconia in the 15th epoch, we have reached the ultimate form of government, being presided over by the Saharan Republic. Sure, we may see nuance develop in the capabilities of lesser factions such as Kahn Industries, but many speculate that their reemergence may never be seen. It’s safe to say that Pants Optional may never see another city founded, and the increase in missile stockpiles across the globe is at an end. But that doesn’t mean an end to the world wars. The wars will come. They always do.
I recall a striking statement during a conversation with the Saharan Republic Director of Black Ops. She told me that “History is written by the victors”. That seems to be the position I find myself in as I write this account. The Saharan Republic ruling body of the Chamber of Representatives has commissioned me to record of the history of Pants Optional. I contend that the history of Pants Optional, is in fact the history of the Saharan Republic. I am Chief Historian and Scholar of the Saharan Republic. And this is the story of my world, my nation, and my land.
Our earth is a world marked and scarred by war. Historians broadly agree that the history of Pants Optional can be divided into 17 distinct epochs, one for each of the 17 world wars our earth has weathered thus far. Gathering information for this project has been a historian’s dream. Going back to even the first epoch, written recordings of the major events is surprisingly well documented. Each of the Great Powers has also kept their own records of their doings, and I was able to obtain many of those. These documents are first hand accounts written immediately at the time of the event. The resulting reliability is remarkably reassuring. It is interesting that as our world has advanced and developed, our collective documentation of events has suddenly decreased. The events of the last two epochs had to be put together through collection of oral tradition and recollection. Fortunately, these are in recent memory.
Our homeland of “South America” is a fascinating story. Much like the naming of Iceland and Greenland, “South America” was named with the intention of confusion. “South America” actually includes the territories of Indonesia, Eastern Australia, Western Australia, and New Guinea. Sources point to this continent being named “South America” after the Second Epoch.
One of the first cities ever to be established in the world was founded in “South America”. The name of the city was initially proposed to be “Madness”, but that person was kicked down a bottomless pit and it instead became known as Sparta. As a result, whenever the name of New Guinea’s city is in doubt, it is local custom to loudly declare “THIS IS SPARTA!”
It wasn’t until the Sixth Epoch that “South America” saw its first major city. It was in Eastern Australia that the city of No Pants grew into a thriving metropolis. Its sister city in Western Australia of Wet Pants arose after the world wars in the Twelfth Epoch.
Our homeland’s history isn’t entirely a story of growth and advancement. In the Fifth Epoch, a health devastation broke out in Indonesia. A military group in Indonesia is more likely to die from the outbreak than to war. To this very day we continually face a loss of life there. At this point experts believe that the damage to the territory is now irreversible.
Western Australia was once known for its availability of soldiers for hire. These easily purchased and expendable troops helped mitigate those dying in the hazardous conditions in Indonesia. For a few Epochs, the Chamber of Representatives chose to use the mercenaries recruited in Western Australia to replace those who died in the hazardous health conditions in Indonesia. The gains netted out the losses, allowing the Republic to advance freedom to the rest of the world.
The end of the Ninth Epoch was not a proud time for the Saharans. The regular flow of soldiers we could regularly count on to hire was obliterated by a covert strike. This meant the biological disease rampant in Indonesia would forever drain our ability to defend “South America”.
It has now become well known that we are the ones responsible for the extra terrestrial encounter. We alone of the Great Powers pursued a space program. Our intention was to make contact with one of the other earth clones that were spawned. We instead encountered in the cosmos a new species. They were highly intelligent, but regrettably, also highly militaristic. At first we thought we could form an alliance to bring an end to the world wars through a decisive, ultimate, and insurmountable military end to the conflict. Only through massive strength could we bring peace to the world of Pants Optional. It took many years of a massive military build up in collaboration with the extra terrestrials. In the Fourteenth Epoch our plans were put in place.
That world war was decisively won by the Saharan Republic as we hoped. Despite the resounding show of military force, the wars still come. They always do. There were negative ramifications we could not foresee. As a Republic, we derive our legitimacy from the consent of the people. City population used to be a valuable asset to our cause. After exposing Pants Optional to a foreign race of life, local populations distrusted us greatly. Local resistance in cities turned out to be far greater than anticipated. The very beings we once allied with even betrayed our cherished city of Sparta, and it now stands in ruins.
The world capital of Baconia was founded by the Imperial Balkania in the 15th Epoch. They intended it to be seat of power for their tyrant of an Emperor to hold his throne. However, as the result of our successes in the World Wars throughout the Epochs, the Saharan Republic is widely regarding as being the Greatest of the Great Powers. It is us who now control the world capital. Instead of an Emperor, it is the meeting place of the Chamber of Representatives. With this great political power, representing the will of the people, the political priorities of the world is decided.
Amidst all this talk of enormous world events, I don’t want to lose sight of what makes the Saharan Republic special. Over the course of the epochs we would often situate ourselves in “South America”. The inaccessibility of “South America” is a gift, but it can also be a curse. It is easy to defend, but that same bottleneck can leave you isolated and unable to react. All of the other great powers suffered from logistical constraints of moving their troops, and had to end their attacks in order to transport armies. We, on the other hand, had an entire fleet of our best dune buggies at our disposal, allowing us to bring in reinforcements during the heat of a war campaign. Many a world war was won by having the unique ability to take our legions remotely deployed to defend “South America”, and in the midst of a conflict, bring them immediately into the course of an attack.
Our form of government is also a significant factor. Since we are governed by the best women in our society selected from among the people, population centers in cities are much more inclined to accept our authority than say, an industrial military society that finds life cheap and expendable. While most other Great Powers had to exercise use of military force to extract resources from a territory, we were able to freely obtain resources from population centers because of the good will of the people when we introduced them to the Republic.
It may be surprising to contemporary readers, but at one point the Enclave of the Bear was a highly regarded and respected Great Power. While that faction may no longer be viewed as significant, their influence in world events, and in the history of the Saharan Republic, is worthy of note. It was the Enclave of the Bear that caused the unrecognizable horrendous morphing resulting from their nuclear recklessness. It was they who scorched Alaska forever. By doing so, our homeland of “South America” faced a threat from one less direction. Also, by standing on the shoulders of the Enclave’s advancements in missile technology, we were able to develop long range missiles that were capable of disrupting the resource gathering infrastructure of our enemies.
Historians now ask if this is the end of history. Have we reached the end of our sociocultural evolution? The conclusion of my scholarly studies points to yes. With the founding of the world capital Baconia in the 15th epoch, we have reached the ultimate form of government, being presided over by the Saharan Republic. Sure, we may see nuance develop in the capabilities of lesser factions such as Kahn Industries, but many speculate that their reemergence may never be seen. It’s safe to say that Pants Optional may never see another city founded, and the increase in missile stockpiles across the globe is at an end. But that doesn’t mean an end to the world wars. The wars will come. They always do.